My Breast Implant and Explant Journey
I am writing this 11 months post explant surgery. However, I can’t begin a story with my explant journey unless I give a little back story on my implant journey…
The Beginning
Let’s go all the way back to age 14. Truthfully, my biggest insecurity during my adolescent days was the size of my chest. It seemed everyone around me was blossoming and sporting breasts as large as my head, and there I was, flat as a pancake. I waited…impatiently. I told myself they’d come, I’m just getting them late. But year 15, 16, and 17 passed and…nothing. I wore a padded 32 A cup, but couldn’t even fill that out.
Social Pressures
Media didn’t help. We all know how toxic it can be for our self image, especially in impressionable young females. Advertisements throughout the pages of Teen Vogue and Seventeen were riddled with airbrushed models with large breasts. Rarely, if ever, did I see a small chest even portrayed. It was in these moments I felt small, figuratively and literally. This scarred my self confidence deeply. I thought, if I just had boobs, life would be perfect.
So, after many years of tossing around the idea of implants and with careful consideration and research, I set up a consultation for a breast augmentation when I was 23. I brought in a notepad where I had dozens of questions prepared. I remember the surgeon commenting on how thorough I was. It’s important to note that this was 100% for me, and not for anyone else.
I scheduled my surgery after leaving my consultation that afternoon, and officially got my implants in May 2008. I wanted a size that would compliment my figure. That was very important to me. Nothing too extreme. I opted for 225cc round saline implants sub-muscular, incision beneath the natural fold. The saline, although not as “realistic” feeling as silicone, was supposed to be “safer”. The only risks I was aware of were the risks of surgery itself (being put under), the rare possibility of a rupture (which is why I chose saline), and the possibility of capsular contraction - when scar tissue forms around the implant making it look misshapen. Otherwise, I was told (and read) that implants were SAFE!
Post Implant Surgery
I remember waking up in recovery and feeling the heaviness, the tightness on my chest. I was in pain and it felt cumbersome to take in deep breaths. But I also remember not caring because I had boobs, finally! I couldn’t wait to heal so I could buy larger bras and smaller bikinis to show them off. And when I healed, that’s exactly what I proceeded to do.
I felt like a women for the first time, and I did notice a change in my confidence. A year after my augmentation I signed with a modeling agency and was booking print and video projects for brands both small and large. Everything seemed to be going just dandy, until it wasn’t…
First Sign of Symptoms
In 2011 I suddenly started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. Seemingly out of nowhere I was this ball of flustered nerves. Taking in full, deep breaths was a chore. I panicked in public situations such as the grocery store and in restaurants, nearly passing out on many occasions, so I started to avoid them, secluding myself at home. Eventually I sought help and made changes to my lifestyle, which started to put the attacks at ease.
Then in 2016 I broke out in a rash all over my face. It went on for months before I was able to heal it. Turns out I had Perioral Dermatitis or PD because of EGGS.
Read my journey with PD HERE.
OK, so now I’m highly prone to panic attacks, and have sudden onset food sensitivities accompanied by painful rashes? I also experienced fatigue, brain fog, and acne. What’s happening to my healthy self? Could it be the implants? That never even crossed my mind, until…
Breast Implant Illness
It was January 10th, 2019. I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom folding laundry, The Today Show on as background noise. I faintly heard a plug for the next story, “Women bravely opens up about removing her breast implants due to breast implant illness.”
WHAT?! What in the world was Breast Implant Illness?! They surely had my attention. I stopped my folding and turned up the volume.
A beautiful young girl sat and courageously told her story. She talked about experiencing strange symptoms years after her breast augmentation. Symptoms such as chronic fatigue, hair loss, dry skin, odor, joint pain, anxiety, depression, hormone imbalance, acne, brain fog, fever, skin rashes, leaky gut, insomnia, among many, many others. She spoke about an ocean of women with the same symptoms who cured themselves by having their implants removed, herself included.
The story ended and I just sat there, utterly perplexed, ruminating on this shocking information I just heard. I spent the remainder of the day reading anything and everything I could about BII, and I was SHOOK. Here is what I learned…
Why Do Implants Cause Breast Implant Illness?
(Taken from HealingBreastImplantIllness.com)
Breast implant illness is not really to do with the brand or type of implant that you have. Breast implant illness occurs in all brands and both saline and silicone implants and is a very multifaceted illness. For both saline and silicone breast implants a strong and immediate response to the silicone shell directly after implantation may be predicated by your genes specifically HLA B27, HLA DR52 and HLA DR53 which are genes associated with being ill in the first year after implantation and a higher sensitivity to silicone. Even if you don’t have these specific genes your body will still respond to the fact that breast implants are huge foreign objects implanted in your chest near vital organs and glands and you will experience the usual foreign body immune response as your body mounts an all out war which causes immune deficits, immune dysfunction and eventually autoimmune symptoms and diseases. Our overwhelmed immune system eventually switches over to attacking itself instead of attacking invaders. This is known as switching from TH1 dominance to TH2 dominance and it is when the immune system developes antibodies against itself instead of killer T-Cells to kill what it perceives to be abnormal cells. Eventually, both saline and silicone breast implants cause immune system failure by overwhelming the immune system and allowing various infections in the body to gain a foothold and cause many of our symptoms. These infections can be bacterial, viral, fungal or parastical. Next the approximate 40 toxic chemicals and array of heavy metals in silicone which are known endocrine disruptors, inflammatory, carcinogenic, cytotoxic and neurotoxic poison our fragile endocrine gland system (thyroid/adrenals and others) and poison our Thymus gland and our immune system, poison our gut health and create toxicity in our organs and body. With saline there is also the added element that many of the saline ports collect body fluid and can mold and these organisms can cross into the implant due to defective valves and colonize the implant. These microorganisms produce metabolites which are toxic to us known as biotoxins. The interior of all capsules is perfect place for infections to grow and the inside of capsules necrotize over time. Textures add another layer of toxicity and also textures soak up body fluids and provide spaces for infections to thrive. Textures aggravate the immune system as they flake off and travel through our lymphatics. Many of us also have pathogens and parasites in our gut due to bad gut health and even past our gut as they inhabit our body because there is little immune opposition to them due to immune deficits. Due to poor gut health we cannot digest our foods and due to autoimmune processes our guts and bodies are full of inflammation. (healingbreastimplantillness.com)
My Decision to Explant
It all made sense! The following day I researched surgeons and set-up a consultation. I just wanted them OUT. Could my symptoms have manifested from motherhood? Stress? Dietary changes? Surely they could have. Could my symptoms have manifested from foreign objects placed on top of my rib cage that my body was constantly fighting against? Absolutely. Will I ever know the real cause? Not probable. But one thing I was sure about was that I was done with them.
After becoming a mother, the implants didn’t even feel like me anymore. Instead of showing them off, I kept them hidden. I constantly had fears they would leak or rupture. Hearing of Breast Implant Illness and all the compelling stories just validated what I had wanted to do for a while. I couldn’t wait to feel like me again. I had worries and reservations, of course. Surgery and recovery is never fun. Spending thousands of dollars is never fun. And the unknown of what I would “look like”? Also not fun. Eleven years of implants, 2 pregnancies, and a combined 28 months of nursing…I could only imagine the damage that had been done. But truthfully, I was at peace. The thing about time and maturity is that it offers a lot of life perspective. My 34 year old self was nothing like my 24 year old self.
My consultation went well. My surgeon commented that he’s met “a lot of patients like me”. He believed in BII even though it’s not a medically recognized term…yet. I scheduled surgery for just 4 weeks out. During these next 4 weeks I prepared myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Physically I prepared by eating a strict whole foods plant-based diet. I took this pharmaceutical grade probiotic and made sure I was getting enough rest. I knew my body would be going through some trauma, so I wanted it to be in its strongest state. Mentally and emotionally I prepared by tossing out all my bras & bathing suits that I knew would no longer fit. I bought some new items in preparation for my smaller chest. I confided in friends & family about what I was doing, why I was doing it, and how I was feeling about it. Just talking about your stressors is a great form of therapy.
Surgery Day. February 12, 2019.
I was feeling anxious but ready. The procedure was set to last around 60-90 minutes. I went in with a dry mouth and rumbling stomach because no food or drink was allowed 12 hours prior. My surgeon knew the goal was a full enbloc capsulectomy, which is the removal of the implants and all capsule scar tissue. In the BII community, it’s said that symptoms of the illness will not improve if scar tissue is left inside, so a full enbloc was the goal. My surgeon planned to use the original incision and I opted out of a lift due to little amount of breast tissue I had. I was wheeled into the operating room, put under local anesthetic, and went to “sleep”.
I was so relieved to wake up from surgery, knowing it was finally done. My surgeon said everything went well. He was able to remove 100% of my scar tissue on the left side, but unfortunately only 90% on my right side due to a pretty tight fusion it had on my right pectoral muscle. In fact, a bit of muscle tissue was removed while he was removing the scar tissue. No ruptures or molding were found in my capsules, but everything was sent off to the lab to be tested regardless. This is standard protocol. I also wanted to ensure no silicone, arsenic, or other harmful matter or cancerous cells were detected. Praise the Lord, everything checked out positively at the lab, so I felt more at ease knowing that the scar tissue left inside may be a non-issue. This isn’t the case for everyone. A few women have been reported to have exploratory surgery after explant to remove any remaining scar tissue left behind if symptoms hadn’t improved. I am happy to report that 11 months post surgery my acne has cleared, I’m sleeping better, my Perioral Dermatitis has not returned, and I’m less anxious than I’ve been in a really, really long time.
Post Explant Recovery
Recovery from explant was easier than implant. Day 2 was by far the hardest from a pain standpoint. By day 4 I was back on my feet and going about my day-to-day routine. Still some soreness, but overall feeling well. My gut was unhappy for the proceeding 8 weeks, which I attribute to all the meds and anesthetics given during surgery. I remained on my whole-foods plant-based diet and continued to take my probiotic, all of which seem to help. Two weeks after surgery I introduced a homeopathic scar cream on my incisions to help heal & reduce redness.
So how did I “look”? About as I expected. As small as I was prior to implants, but with a little more stretch to the skin, if you can imagine. I’m in a 34 AA bra and honestly, it just feels SO GOOD to be me again. So good to BREATH again. Adios, heavy saline bags.
Takeaways
I feel renewed. Awakened. I think this was a journey I was meant to take in order to fully love myself, right now, in my skin. A journey that I can now share with others as they navigate their own journey of explant and self-love.
Maybe our biggest insecurities are really our super powers? Maybe those things we pick apart on our bodies were ultimately meant for us to help heal and encourage others? Maybe we should allow our differences to empower us instead of hinder us?
I have small boobs. What’s your super power?
To learn more about Breast Implant Illness, to find a safe community of support, and for a list of credible explant surgeons, go to HealingBreastImplantIllness.com.